A little break

The last few months for our family have been wild and crazy. Brandon has been super busy with school and work. The girls have been keeping me on my toes with all their activities and events. Some days we just have to get out and do something to prevent them from running over each other or me. But, we can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. Brandon's 2nd term is almost over. He has finished classes and now just has to complete two 6 hour exams and one 24 hour exam after Thanksgiving. Caroline's violin recital is in a few weeks (and I think she's ready), and Christmas is just around the corner. I'm so ready for all the chaos to be over. This weekend we got a little taste.

My Dad agreed to watch all 3 of our girls and let them spend the night so Brandon and I could go to my first Duke game together. Brandon has season tickets to the Duke basketball games. During camp out 3 of 6 guys in his group were able to earn the pass. They agreed to split up the games evenly so everyone could see some of the games. As a spouse of a graduate student I also have access to a Duke ID which allows me to use the student tickets for games. Coach K's first home game after breaking the record happened to be the game that Brandon signed up to have tickets for both of us. Going into the student section was a new experience for me. I've sat close to the floor before, but had an assigned spot with an actual seat. Duke does it a little differently. The student sections are standing room only with no assignments. Brandon explained to me that this is on purpose. Duke really gives themselves the best opportunity to have home court advantage. Hearing all the chants and songs, the choreographed hand gestures, and just the pure volume of cheering and booing would be enough to send me home crying if I missed a shot. I made it though the entire game and cheered on the Blue Devils, but we skipped out on the ceremony to celebrate Coach K. Hey, I'm 32 years old, it's been about 12 years since the last time I stood for an entire game. - and even then I don't think I was too happy about it.

After the game we drove to the DBat and enjoyed some fantastic food at Cuban Revolution http://thecubanrevolution.com/. If you are looking for a great place for some tasty food and cold drinks this is your place. It was great after a long day of child rearing and yelling at 7 foot tall guys.

Saturday, after a long night with my children, my sweet Dad asked if he could take them to see the Raleigh Christmas parade. I took pity on him and offered to accompany the 4 of them to the big event. I prepared for the freezing temperatures and obnoxious crowd, but it really wasn't that bad. We found a place in the sun, snuggled up with a bunch of other locals and enjoyed the sites. To be honest we did sneak out a little early, but I wanted to beat the traffic. I had another surprise in store for the kids.

I drove straight from the game to Siler City to meet Brandon's mom and sister. Debbie wanted to watch the girls for us for the rest of the weekend. I didn't tell the girls who we were meeting and where we were going. They were thrilled to see their Nana and Aunt Momo walking up, and even more excited when they realized they didn't have to go back with me.

I drove straight home to meet Brandon. He had just finished with his studying for the weekend and was able to take the next day and a half to spend alone with me. We left straight away and did a little shopping. Had some great sushi for dinner and I even dragged him to the Breaking Dawn movie. (I think he secretly likes going). The next morning we woke up late and headed out to breakfast. We had a wonderful outdoor brunch at a little German cafe in Durham http://www.guglhupf.com/ If you haven't gone you absolutely have to on the next beautiful morning or afternoon. It is so worth the drive. That afternoon we decided to work off our frittatas and fruit and set our bikes up for a 20 mile ride down the tobacco trail. We were having a great time until about mile 18 when the novelty wore off. It made me think about all my dear friends that just completed a marathon. I was on a freakin' bike and done after 20 miles, they still had 6 to go and no bike to get them there. Way to go guys!

That evening we met the girls in Mebane for dinner and brought them home for our short week to begin. I tried to ease the pain by taking them all to the new Pullen park this morning, but they are certainly making me pay for our time off with a little bit of reprogramming from their time with the grandparents. Luckily, Brandon is back home in 2 days for a 4 day weekend. It won't be school-free, but we are all looking forward to a great holiday, and some time all together again.

Mama isn't a 4 letter word after all

I love being a stay-at-home mom. There is no better joy in the world to hear your child say a new word or see them do something new and exciting and know that you were the one that taught them. It also gives our family the opportunity to have more time together when Brandon is home because all the other things are done. I know it hasn't always been this easy.

For almost 4 years I worked full-time when we only had Caroline. It was so hard to come home every day to a rush of things to do. I would try to throw something on the table for us to woof down so we could have a few minutes to play with little Caroline and then it was time to get her off to bed so I could pick up around the house and catch up on all the things that I didn't get to do during the day while I was at work. The evenings were for grocery shopping, laundry and other errands and the weekends for cleaning and yard maintenance. If I took a field trip on a week day during my lunch break I would watch the stay-at-home moms taking their kids on outings and dream about how wonderful that life must be.

To be fair, it's not like I LOVED my job. When I used to tell people I was a travel agent they would always talk about how much fun my job must be, but getting yelled at on a daily basis by some prima donna business man that didn't get his aisle seat on the plane or was not in room 714 because the previous guest decided to stay another night was not my idea of fun. I was good at what I did, but it was just a paycheck.

When we had Summer I got that wish. It didn't make much sense for me to stay at my current job while paying for 2 in daycare, especially since we knew we wanted a third child pretty quickly (Bella arrived 19 months later). My first few months at home were so special. I always sat aside some special project Caroline and I could work on together to help her learn something new or maybe a craft just for fun. I would snuggle my little new baby and enjoy all her little milestones that I missed with Caroline since I was at work. Dinner was on the table the second Brandon walked through the door so we had an entire evening to enjoy each other's company. On the weekend we always did something special with the kids since we had the time.

I feel somewhere along the line I lost that feeling. My house seems like it is never clean, there is always an errand to be run, the projects have been replaced with Nick Jr., and some days I feel like I never get to sit down. My girls are constantly running around and yelling at each other or just for the fun of it. Sometimes I feel like if I hear my name one more time I'm going to need to run outside and scream at the top of my lungs. I dig remotes out of the trash, wash tooth paste and diaper cream out of hair, and search for teddy bears while little ones scream in their beds refusing to sleep without them. The girls need my constant attention. Bella cries her head off if she sees me walk out of the room. Summer gets jealous if I'm playing with anyone other than her, and Caroline just seems completely ungrateful most days. I started daydreaming about going to work, sitting in a chair while sipping a cup of coffee and talking with my co-workers. Heck, the best adult conversation I usually have each day is with my neighbor on the way to the bus stop as we try to maneuver our 6 children down 2 blocks without being run over.

Then the other day Bella came running up to me. Those little legs were moving as fast as they could possibly go to try to get into her Mama's arms as quickly as possible. How much longer is her face going to light up every time I walk in the room? When will a kiss from me no longer heal all of Summer's wounds? It's only a matter of time that Caroline is going to figure out that I don't know everything. These years are so tough, but I'll never get them back. I want to hold my girls as much as I can for as long as they will let me. The other stuff just doesn't matter in comparison.

Oh, and by the way. If you see a stay-at-home mom out at the park having a picnic with her 3 kids on a beautiful day it's not because she doesn't have anything better to do. It's because she loves her kids more than anything and she worked her butt off to get there!

Money - that's right, I'm going to talk about it...

All right, I'm breaking all the rules. I want to talk about something we are all always thinking about, but we are not allowed to talk about, money. To be completely honest I'm not in direct contact with anyone that is completely without, but I've also never met anyone that has said, "You know, I sure wish I didn't have all this money!" I'm not looking to lay in a bed of $100s or even buy ridiculous things. I just want to be able to not cringe every time one of my girls rips a hole in her jeans and know there's another $15 down the drain or feel like crying each time I pick up my car from the repair shop.

I would say Brandon and I are pretty thrifty. We rarely eat out and I pack our lunches everyday. We don't go to shows or concerts. We don't buy the latest and greatest electronics, and I'm pretty sure other than my running shoes and my flip flops all the shoes and purses (2) in my closet were purchased pre-children. We constantly review our budget to see how we are doing each month and see if there is anyway we can cut spending. I clean my own house, care for my own lawn and repair anything myself within reason.

If you pay attention to Dave Ramsey he says the only thing you should ever been willing to finance is your home and your education. We don't buy anything unless we have the cash up front. Brandon has been driving the car that I bought when we graduated college for years, but it allows us to have no car payments so our only debt is our home and our lovely new bundle of joy, the student loan. If we use our credit card it is only for the cash back bonus and it is paid off in full every month.

When I started staying at home we had planned on a hit to our budget, but really with 3 young kids it's not worth paying a daycare 80% of your salary when you could be building a very important foundation in your children's lives. We tightened our belt buckles and try to cut way back. I clip coupons and constantly try to search for the best deals on food and clothes. I even started a garden to grow the more expensive produce that we constantly eat to try to cut expenses there. Sure, we could get rid of our cable and our cell phones, but if that is your only form of entertainment I feel like those minimal.

This has been a tough year for us. Thanks to Bella and myself our medical bills are off the charts, our house had termites, the cars needed major repairs, the roof was damaged in the tornado, the water heater bit the dust, and I think I am trying to mentally block all the other small issues that add up. It seems each month Brandon and I review cash flow and each time say, "We would have met the budget if it wouldn't have been for........." It's never a fun reason because we have something new and shiny to enjoy, but usually due to something breaking or someone being sick.

Brandon works so hard and has provided our family with a home and the ability to pay our bills, but it just never seems like we can get ahead. Don't get me wrong, I don't need "things" to feel fulfilled. However, I would like to be able to give my kids the things they need, save for their college, and pay for their weddings (yes, all 3) one day. With Brandon working all day and in school in the evenings and weekends it's not like I can go out and just pick any old job to earn some extra cash when someone must care for our children. I tried to find a family looking childcare (but apparently no one is). I've tried to come up with things I could sell with no avail. What am I missing? How do others make it work?