An MBA Thanksgiving

This year we celebrated our first Thanksgiving with a true graduate student. We've had holidays before when Brandon was studying. He took about half a year to prepare for the Professional Engineers exam when Summer was a baby, and when Bella was a newborn he studied for a couple months right before he took the GMAT, but it was nothing like this.

Right before the holiday, Brandon finished classes for Term 2. All he needed to do to finish his current classes was to take the final exams. Three exams that he could begin taking the Sunday immediately following Thanksgiving. In the past we have gone to our hometown to celebrate with our families and maybe take a day trip to the mountains to cut down a tree. This year we knew our time was limited so we planned to stay in Apex and celebrate on our own.

Caroline was tracked out of school and Brandon only had to work two days Thanksgiving week so things were suppose to be pretty low key. The day before Thanksgiving Brandon began his day of studying and I took the girls out to finish some last minute shopping at the Fresh Market so we could hurry home and begin some of the next day's meal. Half a mile from our house I crossed the intersection of Highway 55 towards our neighborhood. Immediately after I began to move I notice a lady in a big heavy duty red Chevy truck speeding through a red light taking off the front end of our minivan and spinning out of control through the intersection. Somehow she managed to miss all the other cars surrounding the scene. People all around the intersection ran to our van to make sure the girls and I were alright, handing me their business cards and waiting with us for the police to arrive. It was so sweet to see so many strangers willing to help when I'm sure they had their own holiday plans that day. Luckily, Brandon was at home studying and was able to get to the scene within minutes to help with the girls. We managed to get all our belongings in our small car and I walked home with the little ones in our giant stroller. I'm so glad that I am married to a level-headed man that was able to take care of everything for me at the scene and deal with all the insurance and car rental issues when he obviously had better things to do.


Thanksgiving day we forgot about all the mess from the day before, Brandon closed his books and we spent the entire day together as a family. In order to work off a little of our turkey in advance we signed the whole family up to race in the Crossroads Turkey Trot. Caroline did a similar race last year (and I ran with her 8 weeks post C-section Bella delivery), but could not complete the run without walking. This year all 5 of us together (Summer and Bella in the BOB) ran the race together. It was so fun encouraging her along the way and watching her pass a lot of kids (and some adults) as she ran the entire way and sprinted towards the finish line. I was so proud of her, and we will definitely be back next year.

The rest of the day was dedicated to cooking and eating. Since it was just our family and my Dad we were able to make a simple dinner and just enjoy our time together. Because I was behind on my cooking I recruited Caroline to do a lot of the work and she was a huge help. I think she has become a permanent addition to my Thanksgiving cooking crew. We managed to make the entire meal from scratch, except for the pumpkin pie, which was the biggest failure of the evening.

Friday morning Brandon helped me get all the decorations out of the attic so I could start hanging the lights and such while he went back to the books. Starting was slow, doing it alone tripping over 3 little ones. Surprisingly, I was actually able to get everything done including all the outside lights and the timers set just as he finished for the day. I was relieved that the entire family was able to go together to pick out our Christmas tree. I had visions of me coming home alone dragging in another Griswold tree, but with a huge hole in the front that I had majorly over-paid for.

Saturday, I decided to brave the crowds and took the girls out shopping for some of the deals I saw in the paper. Strangely, no one was out. I warned the girls about staying close and suggested that maybe they all should just ride in the buggy. They thought I was crazy when we were all alone in the stores and didn't know why I was making such a big deal.

Sunday was the big day. Brandon started his first exam. I kept the girls out of the house so he could concentrate. Luckily this one only took him until about naptime and gave us the evening to recover. Friday he planned to take the long 24 hour accounting exam, immediately followed by another 6 hour exam on Saturday. Rather than one or both of us losing our minds trying to keep 3 little ones quiet all day long I took the girls to Greensboro to visit with my mom and Brandon's family until Saturday afternoon. The girls had manicures and exchanged presents with my mom and spent the evening with the Herndons out at dinner and walking in downtown Greensboro for the Christmas tree lighting celebration. Bella and Summer were not feeling well so it was a long evening away from home, but I think it helped Brandon to have the house to himself, and the girls enjoyed visiting with their grandparents and aunt and uncle.

Sunday was ours. The exams were over and the girls and I were back (and healthy). We enjoyed the day together eating at Sarah Foster's restaurant in Durham and doing a little Christmas shopping brainstorming with the girls. It was actually a pretty productive day. It was so nice to all be together again.

Next Thanksgiving will also be an MBA one, but should be nothing like this. I'm really looking forward to getting a little bit back to normal, but honestly there are things we did this year out of necessity that I hope to continue in our Thanksgiving for years to come.

A little break

The last few months for our family have been wild and crazy. Brandon has been super busy with school and work. The girls have been keeping me on my toes with all their activities and events. Some days we just have to get out and do something to prevent them from running over each other or me. But, we can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. Brandon's 2nd term is almost over. He has finished classes and now just has to complete two 6 hour exams and one 24 hour exam after Thanksgiving. Caroline's violin recital is in a few weeks (and I think she's ready), and Christmas is just around the corner. I'm so ready for all the chaos to be over. This weekend we got a little taste.

My Dad agreed to watch all 3 of our girls and let them spend the night so Brandon and I could go to my first Duke game together. Brandon has season tickets to the Duke basketball games. During camp out 3 of 6 guys in his group were able to earn the pass. They agreed to split up the games evenly so everyone could see some of the games. As a spouse of a graduate student I also have access to a Duke ID which allows me to use the student tickets for games. Coach K's first home game after breaking the record happened to be the game that Brandon signed up to have tickets for both of us. Going into the student section was a new experience for me. I've sat close to the floor before, but had an assigned spot with an actual seat. Duke does it a little differently. The student sections are standing room only with no assignments. Brandon explained to me that this is on purpose. Duke really gives themselves the best opportunity to have home court advantage. Hearing all the chants and songs, the choreographed hand gestures, and just the pure volume of cheering and booing would be enough to send me home crying if I missed a shot. I made it though the entire game and cheered on the Blue Devils, but we skipped out on the ceremony to celebrate Coach K. Hey, I'm 32 years old, it's been about 12 years since the last time I stood for an entire game. - and even then I don't think I was too happy about it.

After the game we drove to the DBat and enjoyed some fantastic food at Cuban Revolution http://thecubanrevolution.com/. If you are looking for a great place for some tasty food and cold drinks this is your place. It was great after a long day of child rearing and yelling at 7 foot tall guys.

Saturday, after a long night with my children, my sweet Dad asked if he could take them to see the Raleigh Christmas parade. I took pity on him and offered to accompany the 4 of them to the big event. I prepared for the freezing temperatures and obnoxious crowd, but it really wasn't that bad. We found a place in the sun, snuggled up with a bunch of other locals and enjoyed the sites. To be honest we did sneak out a little early, but I wanted to beat the traffic. I had another surprise in store for the kids.

I drove straight from the game to Siler City to meet Brandon's mom and sister. Debbie wanted to watch the girls for us for the rest of the weekend. I didn't tell the girls who we were meeting and where we were going. They were thrilled to see their Nana and Aunt Momo walking up, and even more excited when they realized they didn't have to go back with me.

I drove straight home to meet Brandon. He had just finished with his studying for the weekend and was able to take the next day and a half to spend alone with me. We left straight away and did a little shopping. Had some great sushi for dinner and I even dragged him to the Breaking Dawn movie. (I think he secretly likes going). The next morning we woke up late and headed out to breakfast. We had a wonderful outdoor brunch at a little German cafe in Durham http://www.guglhupf.com/ If you haven't gone you absolutely have to on the next beautiful morning or afternoon. It is so worth the drive. That afternoon we decided to work off our frittatas and fruit and set our bikes up for a 20 mile ride down the tobacco trail. We were having a great time until about mile 18 when the novelty wore off. It made me think about all my dear friends that just completed a marathon. I was on a freakin' bike and done after 20 miles, they still had 6 to go and no bike to get them there. Way to go guys!

That evening we met the girls in Mebane for dinner and brought them home for our short week to begin. I tried to ease the pain by taking them all to the new Pullen park this morning, but they are certainly making me pay for our time off with a little bit of reprogramming from their time with the grandparents. Luckily, Brandon is back home in 2 days for a 4 day weekend. It won't be school-free, but we are all looking forward to a great holiday, and some time all together again.

Mama isn't a 4 letter word after all

I love being a stay-at-home mom. There is no better joy in the world to hear your child say a new word or see them do something new and exciting and know that you were the one that taught them. It also gives our family the opportunity to have more time together when Brandon is home because all the other things are done. I know it hasn't always been this easy.

For almost 4 years I worked full-time when we only had Caroline. It was so hard to come home every day to a rush of things to do. I would try to throw something on the table for us to woof down so we could have a few minutes to play with little Caroline and then it was time to get her off to bed so I could pick up around the house and catch up on all the things that I didn't get to do during the day while I was at work. The evenings were for grocery shopping, laundry and other errands and the weekends for cleaning and yard maintenance. If I took a field trip on a week day during my lunch break I would watch the stay-at-home moms taking their kids on outings and dream about how wonderful that life must be.

To be fair, it's not like I LOVED my job. When I used to tell people I was a travel agent they would always talk about how much fun my job must be, but getting yelled at on a daily basis by some prima donna business man that didn't get his aisle seat on the plane or was not in room 714 because the previous guest decided to stay another night was not my idea of fun. I was good at what I did, but it was just a paycheck.

When we had Summer I got that wish. It didn't make much sense for me to stay at my current job while paying for 2 in daycare, especially since we knew we wanted a third child pretty quickly (Bella arrived 19 months later). My first few months at home were so special. I always sat aside some special project Caroline and I could work on together to help her learn something new or maybe a craft just for fun. I would snuggle my little new baby and enjoy all her little milestones that I missed with Caroline since I was at work. Dinner was on the table the second Brandon walked through the door so we had an entire evening to enjoy each other's company. On the weekend we always did something special with the kids since we had the time.

I feel somewhere along the line I lost that feeling. My house seems like it is never clean, there is always an errand to be run, the projects have been replaced with Nick Jr., and some days I feel like I never get to sit down. My girls are constantly running around and yelling at each other or just for the fun of it. Sometimes I feel like if I hear my name one more time I'm going to need to run outside and scream at the top of my lungs. I dig remotes out of the trash, wash tooth paste and diaper cream out of hair, and search for teddy bears while little ones scream in their beds refusing to sleep without them. The girls need my constant attention. Bella cries her head off if she sees me walk out of the room. Summer gets jealous if I'm playing with anyone other than her, and Caroline just seems completely ungrateful most days. I started daydreaming about going to work, sitting in a chair while sipping a cup of coffee and talking with my co-workers. Heck, the best adult conversation I usually have each day is with my neighbor on the way to the bus stop as we try to maneuver our 6 children down 2 blocks without being run over.

Then the other day Bella came running up to me. Those little legs were moving as fast as they could possibly go to try to get into her Mama's arms as quickly as possible. How much longer is her face going to light up every time I walk in the room? When will a kiss from me no longer heal all of Summer's wounds? It's only a matter of time that Caroline is going to figure out that I don't know everything. These years are so tough, but I'll never get them back. I want to hold my girls as much as I can for as long as they will let me. The other stuff just doesn't matter in comparison.

Oh, and by the way. If you see a stay-at-home mom out at the park having a picnic with her 3 kids on a beautiful day it's not because she doesn't have anything better to do. It's because she loves her kids more than anything and she worked her butt off to get there!

Money - that's right, I'm going to talk about it...

All right, I'm breaking all the rules. I want to talk about something we are all always thinking about, but we are not allowed to talk about, money. To be completely honest I'm not in direct contact with anyone that is completely without, but I've also never met anyone that has said, "You know, I sure wish I didn't have all this money!" I'm not looking to lay in a bed of $100s or even buy ridiculous things. I just want to be able to not cringe every time one of my girls rips a hole in her jeans and know there's another $15 down the drain or feel like crying each time I pick up my car from the repair shop.

I would say Brandon and I are pretty thrifty. We rarely eat out and I pack our lunches everyday. We don't go to shows or concerts. We don't buy the latest and greatest electronics, and I'm pretty sure other than my running shoes and my flip flops all the shoes and purses (2) in my closet were purchased pre-children. We constantly review our budget to see how we are doing each month and see if there is anyway we can cut spending. I clean my own house, care for my own lawn and repair anything myself within reason.

If you pay attention to Dave Ramsey he says the only thing you should ever been willing to finance is your home and your education. We don't buy anything unless we have the cash up front. Brandon has been driving the car that I bought when we graduated college for years, but it allows us to have no car payments so our only debt is our home and our lovely new bundle of joy, the student loan. If we use our credit card it is only for the cash back bonus and it is paid off in full every month.

When I started staying at home we had planned on a hit to our budget, but really with 3 young kids it's not worth paying a daycare 80% of your salary when you could be building a very important foundation in your children's lives. We tightened our belt buckles and try to cut way back. I clip coupons and constantly try to search for the best deals on food and clothes. I even started a garden to grow the more expensive produce that we constantly eat to try to cut expenses there. Sure, we could get rid of our cable and our cell phones, but if that is your only form of entertainment I feel like those minimal.

This has been a tough year for us. Thanks to Bella and myself our medical bills are off the charts, our house had termites, the cars needed major repairs, the roof was damaged in the tornado, the water heater bit the dust, and I think I am trying to mentally block all the other small issues that add up. It seems each month Brandon and I review cash flow and each time say, "We would have met the budget if it wouldn't have been for........." It's never a fun reason because we have something new and shiny to enjoy, but usually due to something breaking or someone being sick.

Brandon works so hard and has provided our family with a home and the ability to pay our bills, but it just never seems like we can get ahead. Don't get me wrong, I don't need "things" to feel fulfilled. However, I would like to be able to give my kids the things they need, save for their college, and pay for their weddings (yes, all 3) one day. With Brandon working all day and in school in the evenings and weekends it's not like I can go out and just pick any old job to earn some extra cash when someone must care for our children. I tried to find a family looking childcare (but apparently no one is). I've tried to come up with things I could sell with no avail. What am I missing? How do others make it work?

The little things

A couple weekends ago Brandon camped out for basketball season tickets. He spent 2 nights in the cold rainy weather with nothing but the things he brought with him. They had random check in times all through the day and night to try to eliminate participants. He had to stay nearby and could not travel far for food, warmth or even to use an indoor bathroom. He came home tired and dirty, but with his prized season ticket gold card. After a nice long shower and sleeping in his warm bed for most of the day he found a new appreciation for the little things. A pair of clean dry socks and indoor plumbing was enough to keep a smile on his face for days. It made us think, what else are we not appreciating?

The next week, after a short battle my grandmother lost her fight with cancer. She was diagnosed late and was only treated with radiation to help with the pain. Luckily she was in great hands and they were able to keep her comfortable until she passed quietly with all 3 of her daughters together by her side. My grandmother lived 89 years on this Earth and was married to my grandfather for over 60 of those years. A visit into Greensboro for her funeral was to celebrate her life and spend time with our family. My sister's husband was doing missionary work in Uganda and she was able to leave 4 of her 5 kids with my Dad back in Atlanta, Brandon was in class and my mother-in-law was willing to watch all 3 of my girls, and my brother's girlfriend was sick and left to heal alone in Asheville. For the 1st time in a very long time it was my mom with her 3 kids and very little to distract us from one another. We talked about my grandmother and the times we had together. We looked through a scrapbook my aunt put together and laughed about how much I look like my mom and how silly my brother's hair looked. With everyone in so many different places and so many of us we rarely can get together all at once. It was nice to visit, and I realized how much I miss that.

Last week we celebrated Bella's 1st birthday. We had a small dinner to celebrate her big day with family and our neighbors. Since it was only about 20 of us (7 of which were kids) we had a great time just having a meal and watching football. The kids decorated leaves, the men talked about their teams, and the ladies watched Bella trying to maneuver on those tiny feet. It was great to have the chance to stop our hectic lives and just have an evening with the ones we love.

The next morning all cleaned up from the fun we decided we needed to have time alone, just the 5 of us. It was a beautiful fall day so we decided to take a vacation day. We packed up all the kids and went to the Asheboro zoo for the day. Before Brandon started school a lot of our weekends we dedicated to this kind of thing. We have visited every park and museum that I know of within an hour radius of our house. But we knew our outings would have to wait while school is in session. Honestly, since we haven't been in such a long time it made it that much more special. The girls faces lit up with the first animals we saw and the day continued the same. We walked around holding hands, munching on candy corns and talking about the sounds animals make. It made me love all my girls and my husband all over again.


Those smiling faces say it all. It seems I get so caught up on trying to save money or keep the house clean that I miss out on the little things. I have 3 little girls that look up to me for everything. Are they going to care if the mantle is dusted?! It's time to focus on what's really important.

I never knew

When Brandon and I first got married we only argued about one thing, who was doing the most around the house. Three years later after we welcomed little Caroline the chore list became longer, and our disagreements on who should be doing them bigger. But after 9+ years of marriage we have settled into our roles. We have learned to appreciate what the other does, but always just stuck to our own territory.

I'm married to an engineer, so you know we have spreadsheets for everything. None of our children were conceived before every possibility of what this could mean for our family was plugged into Excel. One of these spreadsheets is for the things we need to do around the house. It's color coded and helpful, but I hate the darn thing. I've seen the list so long I was scared. The minute I see things finally coming off the list it seems to grow instantaneously, and it's never been empty. For years Brandon has plugged away at the list trying to knock out what he could in his spare time. I helped out when I could but my job has mainly always been more for the day to day projects like caring for the kids, cooking dinner, and cleaning.

When I started to stay home my home responsibilities increased as expected. I reconcile accounts and pay the bills. I argue with Time Warner about why our cable rates went up again. I run the errands and take everyone to their doctors appointments. I've put more miles on my car driving within a 2 mile radius of our home than I ever did in my 30 minute commute to work each day. But I have my dream job, stay-at-home mom and the extra work is all worth it.

When Brandon started school I knew I would need to take on more responsibilities in order to keep the house running on the same level. This includes repairs around the house and the yard work. I've seen Brandon do yard work. I would take him a glass of water when he looked worn out and I walked back into my air conditioned house with a smile on my face thinking about what a great wife I was for thinking of him during "his" chores. We even bought a new lawn mower before school started so I wouldn't have to push the old one that didn't have self propel abilities.

Oh my gosh! After doing this for the last few months I can not believe I never saw all the things that Brandon did without complaint! I mow the grass, spray the weeds, trim the trees and bushes, splice wires on the extension cord from trimming said bushes. I fix drawers, clean air vents, and move things up and down from the attic (with no pull down ladder). And I know that I am not even scratching the surface. It all hit me this week. I have spend days preparing for fall. I tore out the old garden and planted the new, killed all the weeds, thatched the entire yard, mowed and trimmed back anything overgrown. My hands are cut and covered in blisters. My body aches and I'm not even done.

When our lives get back to normal I know that I won't. I will no longer sit back and watch my husband bust his butt on all the "manly" chores that have to be done around the house. I know what needs to be done thanks to my love/hate relationship with our chore spreadsheet. I always thought these were things that I couldn't do and the things that Brandon enjoyed to do. Wrong! I'm sure it will be much more enjoyable to do them together anyway. Now, if I can only teach him how to iron.......

An Apple a Day......

This weekend we had the opportunity to spend some quality family time together. Brandon didn't have class and since it was Labor Day we had an extra day added to our weekend. Most of the weekend went as usual, Brandon studied while the girls and I played, but we made the most of it.

Caroline has been saving her money for months. Every time her Dad comes home with change in his pocket, she loses a tooth, or someone give her a gift, that cash went straight in her piggy bank. This weekend we decided to cash it all in and go shopping. My 6 year old managed to save $53! Her mind was whirling with possibilities. On the way to the mall we talked about how buying a bunch of little things would probably not be the best idea and it was best to search for good items even if they cost more since they would last longer and she would use them more. Things started off so well, she found some great things on sale and was willing to walk away from other things that she thought was just too much money to spend. I was so proud of the foundation of an appreciation for what things cost as our trip went on, until time started to run out and Caroline started picking up anything that had sparkles or kittys on it. She still managed to save half her money for another day, so I would say overall it was a successful adventure.

Monday Brandon was completely caught up with his studying so we took the girls to Millstone Creek Orchards in Ramseur http://www.millstonecreekorchards.com/. Only a 45 minute drive from Apex, but we felt like we had gotten away from it all. The girls had the chance to pick apples, swing on tire swings, and drink apple cider slushies on the front porch rocking chairs. We walked through the peach, grape, blueberry, and blackberry orchards to plan a return trip. Brandon's parents were able to join us and we had a leisurely lunch in Siler City before coming home to make homemade applesauce and bake fresh apple bread. How about them apples?!

The girls having fun in the apple orchard

Nana with Bella picking apples.

Summer picking apples with Brandon

Brandon helping Caroline with the high ones

Caroline getting some air on the tire swing

Summer enjoying the tire swing with Brandon

To top it all off, even though Brandon had to study 3 of the 4 days he was off of work we had the entire evening with him each night. We got to play with the kids, he helped me with bed and bath time and we had at least 2 hours of uninterrupted time together each evening. It was bliss! These are the weekends that we live for and I'm glad we were able to enjoy every moment of it.