I love being a stay-at-home mom. There is no better joy in the world to hear your child say a new word or see them do something new and exciting and know that you were the one that taught them. It also gives our family the opportunity to have more time together when Brandon is home because all the other things are done. I know it hasn't always been this easy.
For almost 4 years I worked full-time when we only had Caroline. It was so hard to come home every day to a rush of things to do. I would try to throw something on the table for us to woof down so we could have a few minutes to play with little Caroline and then it was time to get her off to bed so I could pick up around the house and catch up on all the things that I didn't get to do during the day while I was at work. The evenings were for grocery shopping, laundry and other errands and the weekends for cleaning and yard maintenance. If I took a field trip on a week day during my lunch break I would watch the stay-at-home moms taking their kids on outings and dream about how wonderful that life must be.
To be fair, it's not like I LOVED my job. When I used to tell people I was a travel agent they would always talk about how much fun my job must be, but getting yelled at on a daily basis by some prima donna business man that didn't get his aisle seat on the plane or was not in room 714 because the previous guest decided to stay another night was not my idea of fun. I was good at what I did, but it was just a paycheck.
When we had Summer I got that wish. It didn't make much sense for me to stay at my current job while paying for 2 in daycare, especially since we knew we wanted a third child pretty quickly (Bella arrived 19 months later). My first few months at home were so special. I always sat aside some special project Caroline and I could work on together to help her learn something new or maybe a craft just for fun. I would snuggle my little new baby and enjoy all her little milestones that I missed with Caroline since I was at work. Dinner was on the table the second Brandon walked through the door so we had an entire evening to enjoy each other's company. On the weekend we always did something special with the kids since we had the time.
I feel somewhere along the line I lost that feeling. My house seems like it is never clean, there is always an errand to be run, the projects have been replaced with Nick Jr., and some days I feel like I never get to sit down. My girls are constantly running around and yelling at each other or just for the fun of it. Sometimes I feel like if I hear my name one more time I'm going to need to run outside and scream at the top of my lungs. I dig remotes out of the trash, wash tooth paste and diaper cream out of hair, and search for teddy bears while little ones scream in their beds refusing to sleep without them. The girls need my constant attention. Bella cries her head off if she sees me walk out of the room. Summer gets jealous if I'm playing with anyone other than her, and Caroline just seems completely ungrateful most days. I started daydreaming about going to work, sitting in a chair while sipping a cup of coffee and talking with my co-workers. Heck, the best adult conversation I usually have each day is with my neighbor on the way to the bus stop as we try to maneuver our 6 children down 2 blocks without being run over.
Then the other day Bella came running up to me. Those little legs were moving as fast as they could possibly go to try to get into her Mama's arms as quickly as possible. How much longer is her face going to light up every time I walk in the room? When will a kiss from me no longer heal all of Summer's wounds? It's only a matter of time that Caroline is going to figure out that I don't know everything. These years are so tough, but I'll never get them back. I want to hold my girls as much as I can for as long as they will let me. The other stuff just doesn't matter in comparison.
Oh, and by the way. If you see a stay-at-home mom out at the park having a picnic with her 3 kids on a beautiful day it's not because she doesn't have anything better to do. It's because she loves her kids more than anything and she worked her butt off to get there!
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